Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Parental Guidance: Adoption Movie Guide
Artie and Diane Decker have not seen their daughter, Alice,
and her family for nearly a year. They travel across the country to babysit
Harper, Turner, and Barker so that Alice and her husband Phil can travel
together. Diane is determined to win the love of her grandchildren, and Artie
eventually warms up to the idea. However, Alice and Phil are very particular
about how their children should be raised.
How is This Relevant
to Adoption?
Many adoptions are completed within families. Grandparent
adoptions are not uncommon. Parental Guidance isn’t about grandparent adoption,
it’s just about kids being babysat by their grandparents for a week, getting
used to them, and starting to love them. Still, some of the pertinent issues to
grandparent adoption are present – or at least, sort of present. Artie, Diane,
and the kids need to adjust to their new relationships – instead of being
far-off, out-of-touch relatives, Artie and Diane are now responsible for the
children. They’re stuck with the very real task of balancing their own
adjustment to the kids, their desire to develop a positive-feeling relationship
with the kids, and the need to provide the structure that the kids need. 
Strong Points
Parental
Guidance does have the potential to open conversations about family dynamics,
which is particularly important in cases of same-family adoption, but also in
regular life. Artie and Diane are scared of being judged by Phil and Alice –
they feel as though Phil and Alice disapprove of them. Interestingly, Alice
fears their disapproval.
Alice
and Phil are super-busy. They barely have time for their children, and have no
time for each other. Diane reminds Alice of the importance of her marriage.
Phil
and Alice appear to raise sheltered but highly-driven children. In one scene,
Alice’s daughter Harper is upset that she cannot attend a party on the eve of
an audition. Harper explodes, “I hate you and I wish anyone else was my
mother.” Later, Alice allows Harper to skip out on the audition, since Harper
did not want to do it in the first place. Harper takes back her hateful words.
By
the end of the movie, Artie and Alice are able to communicate with each other
about their feelings. We are also given insight into Artie’s father, and can
see that, although Artie wasn’t a perfect father, he did make improvements over
his father’s parenting style. It’s quite true that some changes in family
dynamics take multiple generations to accomplish. I was surprised to see
something that profound alluded to in a movie that featured a song about
constipation.
Weak
Points
Artie
is a piece of work. He encourages an eight-year-old to fight another boy, puts
his own career in front of the safety of his youngest grandchild, and suggests
that a woman is too ugly for her fiancé.
Artie regularly bribes the children to behave, and also bribes them to
keep secrets from their parents. Artie threatens to spank one of the children
for misbehaving, and raises his hand to strike him before stopping. He explains
that the he would not have struck the child, but that the threat was effective
because the child did not know he would not be struck.
Some
toilet humor might be offensive to some families, and Diane’s reasonably modest
pole-dancing exercise routine might also be a bit much for young kids. A child
is mocked for stuttering.
Questions for Discussion after the movie
What
challenges would grandparents face if they had to inherit the role (or at least
the function) of “parent”?
Parents
typically do need to balance “fun” and “structure.” In what ways might the
balancing act be more difficult for foster/adoptive parents who are parenting
older kids? Is it any different if the foster/adoptive parents are also the
kids’ grandparents?
Which
relationships in your extended family have “cooled down” lately? Why? Which one
might be helped by an open, mutual expression of feelings?
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When I was little my grandparents were baby-sitting me, and I was being a little brat and wouldn't quit picking on my sister. My grandpa started to undo his belt and said that if I didn't stop it he was going to take off his belt. To which I (at four) replied "Why? Then your pants will fall down." I was spanked when I was a kid, but never with a belt. The funniest part is that my grandpa never actually spanked any of his kids or grandkids, he was just trying to scare me, but in my naivety, I just made him laugh.
ReplyDeleteHumor defuses tension, doesn't it! Great story, Rachel!
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