Adoption Movie Guide: What To Expect When You're Expecting

This one’s for people considering adoption, especially if they’ve also dealt with infertility.

Five couples are trying to become parents. Each story is unique, each circumstance is different. Jules and her boyfriend conceive unexpectedly, and Jules gives birth to a girl through very painful labor. Gary and Wendy have wanted to be pregnant for a long time; they’ve finally decided to take a break from concentrated efforts at conception and are surprised to become pregnant. Wendy then undergoes a life-threatening C-Section, but produces a son. Gary’s father Ramsey has married a young woman named Skyler. She easily conceives and gives birth to twins. Rosie and Marco have a one-night-stand. She gets pregnant, but miscarries. Davis learns that he has a toddler-aged daughter that he’s never met. Holly and her husband Alex can’t conceive, and instead decide to adopt from Ethiopia.

How is This Relevant to Adoption?

Many (but not all, and perhaps not most) considering adoption have had some experience with infertility. The bothersome process that has turned sex into a chore for Gary and Wendy will be familiar to some viewers. The mixed feelings – and bitterness – that Wendy feels when another woman gets pregnant very easily will also be familiar to some. People say unwittingly hurtful things, “You’re so good with kids; you should have one. Don’t wait too long.” This crushes Holly, who loves children but who is infertile. Many viewers will relate. One family suggests adoption as a possible future option, and another actively pursues it, in spite of the husband’s doubts and in spite of financial worries. 

Strong Points

This movie shows that many people have difficulty around fertility and pregnancy. This movie proves that you’re not alone.

The movie shows the different forms of stress that come along with infertility: stress in the couple’s relationship, stress involving parents and in-laws, stress involving pregnant friends, and stress within oneself, grieving and wondering  whether this is “my fault.”

Infertility is an unexpected twist in any couple’s journey, and couples struggling with infertility can feel alone – both in their infertility, and in the fact that for everyone else, pregnancy seems so easy. This movie at least suggests that, while people have different challenges, most people’s journeys towards parenthood involve quite a bit of difficulty, tears, and tension. And it allows you to be irritated at those few people who seem to be oblivious to the fact that the road is usually hard.

 

The Ethiopian adoption agency requires parents to swear to help the child they adopt, “always remember his Ethiopian heritage.”

Weak Points and Challenges

Holly and her husband lie to their social worker. Their social worker is a bit stand-offish. They also seem to have different levels of interest in the adoption.   In a healthy situation, Holly and Alex would have talked through their feelings and reached some agreement before meeting with their social worker, and their social worker would have been both more investigative and friendlier.

The movie is about the adults’ desires to become parents, rather than the needs of the child adopted by one of the couples.  Some prospective adoptive parents do think more of their own desires than they think of the needs of the child. For example, Holly and Alex quickly express that they have “no issue” with the fact that their son has no medical history available “and probably never will.” They view parenthood as the goal, and don’t really notice that, unlike other forms of family-making, adoption creates a situation where a child has – and needs to have access to – two families’ histories.

Rosie’s miscarriage may be a difficult scene for some viewers.

One character makes an insensitive joke about returning adopted children.

Recommendation

For couples who’ve approached adoption after (or because of) fertility issues, this movie will hit close to home. It might hurt, but facing your feelings about infertility and talking through them is an important step in preparing for adoption.

Discussion Questions

Holly and Alex didn’t get around to talking about their feelings about infertility until Holly broke down and cried. Have you talked with each other about your feelings?

Alex hadn’t talked with his wife about his hesitation to adopt. He finally explained, “I’m not like you. I can’t look at a picture and feel the bond.” Where are each of you in your excitement, anxiety, fears and ambivalence about adoption?  On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you? How nervous are you? How fearful are you? What three words describe your feelings about adoption, right now?  Write your answers down separately, then share them with each other.

How do each of you feel about Skyler? Who’s more annoying to each of you, Skyler or Ramsey? Why?

How are each of your extended families treating you as you consider adoption?

Why is it important for Holly’s and Alex’s son to always remember his Ethiopian heritage? How will you make sure that the child you adopt always remembers his birth heritage? What if you adopt domestically or from foster care?

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You might also enjoy the Adoption Movie Guides of:

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Superman: The Movie

Superman II

Tarzan