Perfect Moment Monday: Communication

Lori at Lavender Luz encourages us to find the perfect moments in our day-to-day life; moments that just happen, rather than moments that are prefabricated. It’s an exercise in mindset, choosing to acknowledge the small, easily unnoticed blessings in our day.  

I guess it was bound to happen. Most feedback I get while giving trainings is positive. I usually feel validated by that feedback. Some is negative but constructive, which – although not always pleasant to receive, is probably the most helpful kind. I’d been fortunate enough to avoid mean-spirited feedback – and that suits me fine, because my preference is for people to like me! But it came, finally. The mean-spirited feedback which is so easy to take personally. “A waste of an hour of my life. I won’t ever get that hour back. Complete BS.” It kind of took me by surprise.  It also wasn’t anonymous.

I’m not really sure why I did what I did next. Part of St. Francis’ prayer has been replaying in my head for months, “May I seek not so much to be understood, but to understand.” Maybe that was it. Or it could have been Jesus’ teaching – “If you remember that your brother has something against you, go and be reconciled to him before offering your gift on the altar,” which I’ve exegeted to mean, “If someone’s mad at you, try to fix it.” Or maybe it was the story of a journalist who connected with people who’d left insulting comments on his articles and found that, when spoken to kindly, they weren’t really as mad as they sounded in writing.

Whatever reason, I jotted a note to the person. “I’m sorry that this was such a negative experience for you, and that my points didn’t seem valid. If you’re willing to share, I’m willing to listen and learn from you, and I’d like to know your point of view.”

And then, a perfect moment happened. My critic wrote back, and respectfully explained how the training had touched on some of his personal triggers. He thanked me for the work I’m doing. And while that felt good, the part that felt the best was that interpersonal damage was overcome, and through listening and conversation, became productive. And that felt really good. I’ve gotten more negative feedback since then, and my goal is to always respond in a similar way. Sometimes, folks aren’t interested in talking, and they just wanted to vent. Sometimes, folks are interested in talking, but not interested in conversing. But most of the time, people are open to conversation.

And as I type this, I realize how much I believe the underlying theme in this story: Communication, without defensiveness and fueled by a desire to simply understand the other person’s point of view, can restore relationships that have been hurt by misunderstandings.

flickr.com / buddawiggi

For more (and longer!) feel-good reading, you might like to revisit my other Perfect Moment Monday posts:

·         A Child Gets Out of Foster Care

·         A Child is Listened To

Or visit Lori’s page and explore the other Perfect Moments submitted this month. And maybe even add your own. Check it out at Lavender Luz .

·         All case stories are fictionalized combinations of several histories, altered for confidentiality.