Saturday, September 14, 2013
Moving and Foster Care
I moved this week. My wife and I packed up our belongings,
loaded up a shipping crate with most of them, crammed the rest into our car,
and headed west. We’re back in Southern California. We had tried to find
housing in California by using Zillow, but it’s much easier to get a feel for a
place in person. Thankfully, we have friends in California that let us stay
with them while we completed our search for housing. Soon, we’ll be back at
home (in a new home), and life will get back to (an admittedly new version of)
normal.
Our move has been a good one. We deliberated for weeks over
whether to stay in Missouri or to return to California, and after much prayer,
consultation with friends, and discussions with each other, we decided to head
back. We’re returning to jobs that were waiting for us, friends that love us, a
church that cares about us, and opportunities that excite us. We returned west
with the blessings of our families, who really would have preferred us to move
loser to them (our families are all East-coast based). The move is as good as a move can be.
But I still really hate moving. I don’t mean that I hate
being someplace new. I just hate the act of moving. There’s a list that I came
across during college which highlights the most stressful experiences that a
person goes through. Marriage, divorce, change in employment and moving all
share space on that list of stressors. Moving is stressful! You have to choose
which of your belongings to keep, and which to discard. You’ll say goodbye to
people and places that have become familiar and comfortable. You have to learn
how to fit in a new environment (even though I’m moving back to California, so
much has changed in the last year, and I will have to learn to fit in again…).
And, in our case, we moved without even knowing where our ultimate address
would be. Moving is stressful, even in the best of circumstances. It’s a
stressful time of change, uncertainty, and at least some losses.
And then I remember the hundreds of thousands of children
that will pass through foster care at some time this year.
Like moving, foster care is “a stressful time of change,
uncertainty, and at least some loss.” Like moving, foster care requires
children to “say goodbye to people and places that have become familiar and comfortable.”
It requires them to “learn how to fit in a new environment.” It often requires
the child to move into a new home “without even knowing where there ultimate
address will be.” When I moved, I moved after weeks of deliberations – kids in
foster care are often moved with minimal or no notice. When I moved, I had the
blessing of my family and friends. When kids in foster care are moved, they
often receive blame. When I moved, it was my choice. When kids in foster care
move, it’s almost always a choice made by someone else. They’re moved because
someone feels that the kids are in danger, or because someone feels the kids
are a danger.
Moving is stressful, even in the best of circumstances. In
the worst of circumstances, it can be traumatic. Foster kids typically move
from a stressful situation, in a stressful process. They deserve – and they
need – for the situation they move into to be stable, understanding,
forbearing, and loving. Maybe this is where you can help. Foster kids need
loving, stable, nurturing, safe, and understanding places to call home – maybe
for life, maybe just for a season. You might be that family. You might know
someone who could be that family. Your understanding, your stability, and your
love can help bring an eventual sense of peace and healing to a child in
turbulence.
Want to get started? Google search "foster care" and the name of your county.
Want to keep reading? These posts might be helpful: What Kids in Foster Care Need, When Foster Care Works, and What to Expect if You Foster-Adopt.
Also, stay connected with Adoption at the Movies on Facebook. Find me on Twitter @AddisonCooper
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