Friday, November 8, 2013
Angela's Story: Foster Care Adoption, Reunification, and Forgiveness
The Adoption at the Movies contest generated some
thought-provoking responses. One very gripping response was from Angela. She
shared her own life story: her entry into foster care, her adoption, her
adjustment after adoption, and her search for her birthfamily. Angela gave
permission for her story to be shared here.
I want to share a story of a little girl who was born
addicted to drugs and alcohol. Her story
takes place in 1976 in Oklahoma City.
She was born in the back of an ambulance and went through a month of
drug detox. During her detox her mom
came to see her very infrequently. Six
months later Child Protective Services were called out to the child’s home. The investigators found four little kids living
in substandard conditions. The investigators found that the two younger
children were being medically neglected. The little girl had sores all over her
mouth and chin and neck. She had been drinking a bottle of formula mixed with
alcohol (her mother had said it was the only way to get her to stop crying.) The children were taken into protective
custody.
All four children were placed into separate foster homes.
The mother was told that, in order to get her children back, she needed to find
employment, get sufficient housing, and enter a drug counseling program.
Eventually, the grandmother got custody of the two older kids; however, the two
younger kids stayed in foster care. An
aunt had tried to get custody of all of the children, but a judge had found her
house to be too small. The kids stayed
separated.
During this whole time the mother visited only infrequently. It seemed to the little girl that her mother
found drugs to be more important than her children. The mother relinquished her
parental rights. The two older children stayed with their grandmother, but the
two younger children – still in separate foster homes – became wards of the
State.
The little girl went through a series of foster homes. She
was shy, but had temper tantrums. She didn’t like strangers. She didn’t like her
schedule being messed up. She showed delays in her gross motor skills and had
physical challenges. And she was still a
few months shy of her third birthday.
At the age of 2 ½, she got her “Forever” home. Her new parents had only a day’s notice to
pick her up, and she arrived with nothing more than her clothes, shoes, and a small
teddy bear. She had a hard time adjusting to the new home; for two weeks, she
would only sit silently in a corner. She was compliant, though, and would do
whatever was asked of her.
Some onlookers would say at this point, “She has a new
family and all of her problems are over.
She has a happy ending. She has a good life now.” But for a Foster Child, even after getting
taken out of their bad situation they still have a lot go to through. Some will
go through it for the rest of their life.
It defines them.
This little girl’s story was not over. She still had
challenges to overcome.
The family who had adopted her was a Pastor's family. They moved every few years from church to
church. She didn't like change, yet she
had change all the time. That was very
hard on her. She heard painful questions
with each move:
"You don't look like your parents?"
"OH,You
are adopted? Why didn't your mom want you?"
She didn't know why.
She didn't understand going to the nursery as a little kid
was just normal. She wasn't sure if her
mommy was coming back to get her or if someone else was going to be picking her
up.
Don't get me wrong - she was well-loved and well taken care
of, and she knew it. She loved her
Forever Family. Yet she wondered about
her mom. She wondered if she had any brothers and sisters out there that looked
like her. She thought of her mom on her birthday and every Mother's Day.
When she reached adulthood, she decided to look for her mom.
She knew her mom's name but it was a common one. She wasn’t sure how to find her, so she gave up.
Then one day, God lead a lady into her life who could help
her. By the end of the day, she had
found both of her parents and all but one of her siblings! It was totally overwhelming! The only one not found is her brother who was
adopted from foster care. She also never
got to meet her mom. Her mom had passed away a few years ago.
I am sure you are wondering where this girl is today. Well,
I am this little girl. When I was little
I used to ask God "why me". I
never understood why couldn't just live a normal life. I have been through a
lot. And in the last year I have learned
why. I feel what other foster kids are
going through. To help people understand
what a foster kid is feeling, I have held started a ministry in my church
called Abe & Sarah's Kids. We want
to eliminate the use of plastic trash bags as suitcases for these kids and to
provide essentials for those who come with nothing.
Oh, by the way, my favorite movie is October Baby. The part
about forgiveness hits me every time. I had never thought of forgiving my birth
mom.
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**Applause!** Thanks for sharing your story and using your experience it give back, Angela! As an adoptee myself, you're not alone and it's always so rewarding to hear of other adoptees doing the same in whatever way they are lead to. :) While everyone's life is unique, you 'get it' on a level that many of us can't.
ReplyDeleteAnd, for what it's worth, here in WA, our workers are already telling foster parents not to use garbage bags or plastic bags as instruments of moving kids. ;) Sends the WRONG message.
Thanks for sharing your applause and insight, J!
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