Khalia Richards is nursing her newborn infant, Isaiah, in a
rundown apartment where she is squatting. She wants to go get some cocaine, but
the other squatters prevent her from leaving Isaiah because he is crying.
Khalia leaves Isaiah in a covered cardboard box while she does drugs. The next
morning, garbage men are putting Isaiah’s box into a trash compactor, and
notice that Isaiah is there just barely before he would have been crushed to
death. They take him to the hospital, where he catches the eye of Margaret
Lewin, a social worker. When Khalia recovers from passing out, she tries to
find Isaiah, but he is gone. She
believes that she has killed him. Khalia is later arrested for shoplifting,
which leads to her being enrolled in a rehab. There, she gets her life in order
and begins caring for other children, all the while holding her secret guilt
over her belief that she killed her son. Meanwhile, Isaiah is adopted by
Margaret and her husband, and is thriving. Three years later, Khalia learns
that Isaiah is alive. She gains access to his case record, and finds the name
of his adoptive family. She then sets off to have the adoption overturned and
to win him back.
The Adoption
Connection
Losing Isaiah touches on many fears related to adoption.
Many birth parents might fear for what has happened to their child, and feel
loss, grief, or guilt for the child being in the system. Adoptive parents often
fear having their adoptions overturned and losing their child. Adoptees often fear
a lack of stability and belonging, but might wonder whether their birth parents
will ever come for them.
This is a very unsettling film, and it brings us into
the court process of an adoption that is being contested several years after
the fact.
Strong Points
Khalia and Margaret both love Isaiah. They are eventually
able to express this to each other, and each believes the other; they embrace,
and work together to help Isaiah overcome his difficulties with the adjustment
of Khalia being in his life.
Even in periods of great distress, Margaret is able to
acknowledge some of Khalia’s strong points, and Khalia is able to recognize and
apologize for the grief that her lawsuit is causing Margaret. In the end, it seems that both mothers are
working through their own emotional pain for the best interest of Isaiah’s own
development and health, even if the judges and lawyers are more concerned with
principles and legality.
Challenges
The film explores public attitudes towards interracial
adoption, without giving a firm answer as to whether it’s OK. One expert
witness in court suggests that it would be better for a Black child to be
placed for years in foster care with a White family, waiting until a Black
adoptive family can be identified and then moved, rather than to be adopted by
that White family. Isaiah says the difference he sees between his hand and his
(White) adoptive sister’s hand is that his hand is smaller than hers.
Weak Points
A professional in the neonatal intensive unit is frustrated about other professionals’ lack of care for Isaiah, and makes an insensitive joke about dumping Isaiah “back into the garbage.”
There are so many triggers in this movie. The legitimacy of
both mothers is questioned. Isaiah is almost crushed by a dumpster. Khalia is
asked about how many children she have, and she answers painfully “I ain’t got
no kids.” A lawyer for the Lewin family calls Khalia “a drug-addicted
prostitute,” even though she has been clean for years. Margaret’s husband says
Khalia “should be incarcerated, not given back her kid.” Khalia speaks very
harshly to Margaret. There are lots of baby cries in the film. Khalia breaks
down while reading a parenting book, showing her great shame at the loss of her
son. A character has a miscarriage and we see a lot of blood. It seems apparent
that she miscarried because of drug use.
Khalia is able to break into adoption records and is able to find the
home of the family who has adopted Isaiah. She trails them without their knowledge
and, while a babysitter’s attention is diverted, Khalia picks up Isaiah and
starts talking to him. This scene could play on the fears of many adoptive
parents, and presents reunion in a scary light. (SPOILERS AHEAD… Isaiah is
returned to Khalia, and is dragged kicking and screaming from the Lewin home.
He does not adjust to Khalia, and runs from her, hides from her, and bites her.
Eventually Khalia decides to return Isaiah to the Lewin home temporarily.)
Recommendations
I think this movie has a chance to trigger painful emotions
in everyone who watches it. Losing Isaiah captures a few different battles that
may come up in foster care and adoption. Khalia is black, and the Lewins are
White, and the judge and lawyers make much of that distinction. The film also
captures the struggle between the child welfare system and the birth parents
from whom children have been involuntarily detained. Mercifully, by the end, it
does seem like everyone is trying to work for Isaiah’s best interest, but the
journey is a traumatic and uncomfortable one that will probably hit emotional
triggers for most people who have been touched by the foster care system or by
adoption.
For those who aren’t scared
away by all the trigger potential, this film does invite thought about some
important clinical issues in interracial adoption, and reflection on what makes
someone a mother – but it’s probably not going to be a good choice for most
people, and certainly not for anyone under 18.
Questions for
Discussion
When a child is adopted by a family of a different racial,
ethnic, or cultural background, what can the adoptive family do to best serve
that child?
What makes someone a mother? Can a child have more than one
mother?
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