Rex and Rose Mary Walls lived a nomadic lifestyle with their
four children. Rose Mary was a free-spirited artist, and Rex had big dreams,
but Rex’s alcoholism and Rose Mary’s commitment to her art resulted in the
children going without food, not attending school, and moving from home to home
to avoid eviction or arrest. Now a young adult, Jeannette Walls remembers
aspects of her childhood while adjusting to life as a young professional adult
in 1980’s New York City. Jeannette’s parents and siblings have all relocated to
New York; Jeannette works for a newspaper, one of her siblings is a police
officer, and her parents are squatting in a building. Rex does not approve of
Jeannette’s life; he finds it too sanitary. She struggles with being ashamed of
her parents, and often lies about them, even though some aspects of her
childhood remain present in her adult life: she takes home leftovers from
restaurants when others in her party don’t, she keeps her belongings in boxes,
and she bears the scars she sustained while cooking food for herself as a young
child. Jeannette has stopped communicating with Rex after one too many blow-ups
regarding her fiancé. When Rex becomes sick and draws near death, Jeannette
must decide whether to let him stay in her past or whether to go and make her
peace with him before he passes.
The Adoption
Connection
There is no mention of adoption in this film, but several
aspects of the story seem relevant for people who have experience with foster
care or with the child protective services system. Jeannette and her siblings
are receiving inadequate care; their parents do love them, but the children are
left underfed and undereducated, and their housing is often unstable. For a
brief time, the children live with their paternal grandmother, and it appears
that she molests Jeannette’s brother. The other children physically attack her
to protect their brother, but their father refuses to hear their allegations.
A couple times, a character mentions that they don’t want
the children to be taken away from them; it appears that part of the family’s
reason for staying on the run is to avoid child protective services workers.
After she is burned, Rex sneaks Jeannette out of the hospital when a social
worker has started to show concern about their family.
Now that she is an adult in New York City, Jeannette
struggles to form her own identity as well as her understanding of her parents.
She is initially ashamed of them, but ultimately is able to form a balanced
view of her father as a person with significant problems, but also a person who
loved her and had positive characteristics.
Some kids in foster care have particular issues around food;
Jeannette has not been in foster care, but also exhibits some insecurity about
the availability of food.
Strong Points
Rex and Rose Mary love their children, even though their
family is dysfunctional. This film can challenge foster and fost-adoptive parents
to develop a well-rounded view of their children’s birthparents as people with
real problems, who have abused or neglected children, but who also have
redeeming characteristics.
Rex tries (and temporarily succeeds) to become sober at
Jeannette’s request. Jeannette clearly but compassionately tells him that she
is not ashamed of him, but that when he drinks, he can’t take care of his
children.
We see that Jeannette’s family is important to her, even as
she struggles with her feelings towards them. When her fiancé speaks ill of
them, it hurts her. It is important for foster and fost-adoptive parents to
remember that kids often have deep love for their parents, even though their
parents may have made poor choices that have impacted the children negatively.
The healthiest outcome for an adoptee or a child in foster care is a
well-rounded view of their life and circumstances in which their parents are
viewed as real people with strengths and weaknesses, with successes and
failures, with redeeming qualities as well as concerning factors that led to
the child’s involvement in the foster care system. Monochromatically positive
or negative understandings of their birth parents are likely to be inaccurate,
confusing, and unhelpful.
Jeannette is able to express her frustrations clearly to her
parents about the ways in which they failed. At times it’s brutal, but the
things she say do ring of truth, and it’s helpful for her to acknowledge the
losses she suffered; in fact, acknowledging the losses may have made it
possible for her to also acknowledge the positive aspects of her childhood.
Eventually, she expresses a clear, integrated understanding of her father as a
squatter, a drunk, occasionally cruel, but also a big dreamer and the smartest
man she knows. Later, she discovers that he has treasured all of her writings.
She confides in him, I am like you, and I’m glad.” Eventually, her father dies.
Jeannette, her mother and her siblings gather to remember him.
The film is dedicated “to all families, who despite their
scars find a way to love.”
Challenges
Jeannette’s parents put her in dangerous situations; her
father throws her repeatedly into a pool to teach her to swim, even though she
fears that he is trying to kill her. They also have four of their children,
including an infant, ride in the storage compartment of a moving truck because
there aren’t enough seats in the cab.
Rex’s mother is unkind; even though she has not seen Rex in
a long time, she insults him in front of his children, and hits Rex’s son on
the back of the head during his first meal with her. Later, she appears to
molest her grandson. Jeannette yells at her to not hit her brother, but her
father tells Jeannette to show respect to her grandmother. Later, Jeannette
wonders if her father was also abused by his grandmother, but in a moment of
anger she tells him that she doesn’t care what was done to him.
As a pre-teen, Jeannette has to stitch a wound on her
father; he assures her that he is so drunk that he won’t feel anything.
Some scenes seem to suggest domestic violence between Rex
and Rose Mary. In one scene, Rose
Mary hangs out of a window.
While Rex is trying to sober up, he attempts to manipulate
Jeannette into giving him a drink by saying “Do you want your daddy to die?”
The children often have more responsibility than they
should; Jeannette takes responsibility for trying to help Rex stay sober. Decades
later, Rex tells her that no little girl should have to carry her father on her
back.
When Jeannette is a young woman, or perhaps late in her
teenage years, she appeals to her father for help as she tries to avoid the
advances of one of her father’s barroom friends. He declines to help her,
because he is angry after having learned that she intends to move away from the
family. This leads to Jeannette being taken up to the friend’s apartment, where
he tries to rape her.
Adults hit children and children hit adults.
In a moment of anger, Jeannette tells her parents, “We were
never a family; we were a nightmare.” She means this, but later she also remembers
the moments in which they did function as a loving family.
Recommendations
The Glass Castle isn’t for kids, and might be triggering for
many teens who have experienced abuse or neglect. It could also be difficult for
kids and teens who haven’t yet developed a healthy, integrated view of their
birth parents. For adoptive or foster parents, this could be a worthwhile
challenging film that offers an opportunity to reflect on the importance of an
adopted person having a holistic view of their background and birth family. As
you watch it, think about the ways in which your child values their history,
and think about ways that you can help them find and celebrate the positive
characteristics of their family of origin while also helping them give voice to
their painful feelings with regard to the mistreatment they may have
experienced.
Questions for
Discussion
What aspects of her father does Jeannette resent? Which ones
does she admire?
Would you be comfortable with your child having powerful,
mixed feelings about their birth family? Are you comfortable with everything
they might express? What can you do to become more comfortable with this?
How may Rex have been impacted by abuse he suffered as a
child?
Why did Jeannette decide to see Rex? What good came out of
that final visit?
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