Eleven-year-old Elizabeth realizes that she is an adoptee
when a class project about blood type makes it obvious that she does not share
genetics with her parents. She confronts her parents and asks why they lied to
her, and ultimately runs away. Her mother Marion sets off to find her, and
learns that Elizabeth now believes that the famous singer Dolly Parton is her
birthmother. Marion struggles with Elizabeth’s desire to find her birthmother,
and wonders aloud, “If I’m no one’s mother, who the hell am I?” However, she ultimately
decides to take Elizabeth to a Dolly Parton concert. There, Elizabeth realizes
who she wants to call “mom.”
The Adoption
Connection
Elizabeth was adopted as an infant, and her parents kept the
adoption a secret from her. Elizabeth learned about the adoption through a
class project, and was enraged when she learned that her parents had lied to
her. She sets off to meet Dolly Parton, who she believes to be her birthmother.
Later, she learns that Dolly Parton is not her birthmother, and she clings to
Marion.
Strong Points
Elizabeth’s desire to know her birthmother, and her hurt
feelings at learning that she’d been lied to about adoption, are powerful. This
film could encourage adoptive parents to speak openly about adoption with their
kids.
Although Marion is initially threatened by Elizabeth’s
desire to find her birthmother, she eventually supports Elizabeth, and this
seems to be part of what heals her relationship with Elizabeth.
When Marion feels her identity as a mother threatened,
someone wisely advises her, “You never stop being someone’s mother. Because
Elizbaeth is adopted, how does that make you less her mother? You can’t be the
one who brought her into the world, but you can be the one that guides her
through it.” That’s some pretty sound advice.
Challenges
Elizabeth confronts her parents and asks why they lied to
her. Marion’s answer falls flat, “For your own good, to protect you.” It seems
that Elizabeth’s parents do not agree about ow to handle the situation.
Elizabeth’s friends and classmates are insensitive. They
call her a bastard, and her best friend stops spending time with her.
It’s painful when Elizabeth isn’t able to find out her
birthparents’ names; her parents explain that they were “not allowed to have
that information.” Elizbaeth deeply wants to know, “Who looks like me?”
Marion pushes Elizabeth, throws Elizabeth’s bike down a
cliff, and says “I didn’t even want you. I didn’t want you, that’s the whole
story. You made me into your mother. I’ve been afraid that you could unmake me,
too.” Her fears are real, but Elizabeth is too young, and too hurt herself, to
deal with her mother’s initial unwillingness to adopt her, her mother’s fears
of not being a mom, and her mother’s startling act of throwing the bicycle down
the cliff.
Recommendations
The Year Dolly Parton was my Mom is a thought-provoking and
well-made film. It doesn’t seem like it would interest most kids or teens, but
it’s definitely worth seeing for adoptive parents and folks considering
becoming adoptive parents. As you watch it, consider how you will talk to your
kids about their adoption.
Questions for
Discussion
Why did Elizabeth’s parents say they lied to her? Why do you
think they actually did?
How might their family dynamics be different had they been
open about the adoption from the beginning?
What might help Elizabeth as she continues to incorporate
this aspect of her life story into her self-concept?
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