Guest Posts on AATM
2/28/15 - Black or White Review by Lori Holden
4/26/13 - Matilda by Amanda Woolston of The Declassified Adoptee
4/6/13 - An Interview with Jacob Roebuck, director of CAMP
3/22/13 - An Interview with Nia Vardalos
3/1/13 - A Family is a Family is a Family by Shannon LC Cate of Peter's Cross Station
2/15/13 - Precious by SJ of Social Jerk
2/1/13 - The Blind Side by Lori Holden of LavenderLuz.com
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"Families that would shun post-adoption contact with any birth family members are likely doing so because they fear that their needs for parenthood will not be met by adoption. This is an issue that the prospective adopting parents should work through together, and possibly with a therapist, before pursuing adoption."
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying this. Adoption, or parenting in general, is for the sake of the child, not to fulfill someone's need to be a parent. This all becomes a little more complex when dealing with birth parents grieving the loss of their children, adoptive parents grieving their loss of fertility...so much pain here! It all must be sorted, processed, and healed before anyone can be a positive influence on the child's life.
I do see this common connection of grief between birth and adoptive families. It might come from slightly different sources, but both sides share it. Both birth and adoptive parents have to walk a very painful path to find each other. It is possible that, if we all step outside of ourselves and see the struggles that the other side is facing as well, we could find healing together. And really, wouldn't that be best for the child? To have two (or more) sets of emotionally healthy, well adjusted parents to love them.
You're so right! Some of the major theorists about adoption have suggested that there are seven core issues which impact everyone touched by adoption. Grief is one of them! I agree with you that it would be best if everyone involved - adoptee, birth family, adoptive family - were able to talk together about adoption, their feelings, their hopes. And to work together for healing and health.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment!